Submitting Your Ego

One of the hardest things to adapt to for a lot of new jiu jitsu practitioners is learning to submit your ego after a loss and even more importantly, after a win. Jiu jitsu flows in a cycle of ups and downs and eventually, someone is going to capitalize on your mistakes and submit you. Regardless of the experience level of this opponent, you shouldn't feel heartbroken from a loss, especially when training in your home gym. Take this opportunity to learn from your mistakes, and try to take some time to talk with your partner on their side of the match. Seeing an outside perspective of the match could be the fix to your problems.

Growth comes from lessons learned, and after a loss, it's important to focus on the details of how you can improve from the match rather than the much more broad "I lost" mentality. So you lost... How come? Were your reactions too slow? Did you try to force a move? how was your base or posture? Taking a step back to review what happened can help you realize what you need to improve on. In a previous article, we talked about how to find the holes in your game and find solutions to tighten them into a finely woven masterpiece over time. This process will help guide you to future improvements and keeping yourself from feeling upset with your performance. 

Now I'm not saying that you should be happy with losing, but I do believe that when we analyze our performance in a constructive way, we are more likely to find the process more enjoyable. The amount of energy we focus on defeat can be mentally draining, and not feeling good enough can lead to dropping jiu jitsu altogether. It's important to see yourself as a piece of clay, constantly being molded over and over, time and time again . Over the long journey, you will constantly refine yourself, becoming better than you previously were. This process doesn't happen in a day, or a week, or a year; it's a life-long process that takes hard-work, determination, and perseverance.

Even if you may feel this way already, a team mate may not understand how to cope with the constant struggle of losing when starting out. Taking the time to show them how to become more self-aware of their movements, what they can do to improve their attacks/defenses, and simply learning that after each round, there is a clean start to start again and learn from previous mistakes may be all they need to get out of their rut. A team is only as strong as its weakest link, so be sure to take care of everyone to grow stronger together.

On the other end of the spectrum, winning may have a similar side effect. Some people may succumb to over-confidence or cockiness, which could lead them to leave a bad impression on their team mates or cause them to make poor decisions when training or even outside the gym. We must understand that a good practitioner needs to be confident in their jiu jitsu and aggressive enough to win a match, but too much of these could lead to a person believing they are better than another person. Never underestimate or look down upon someone because you feel like you are a more superior practitioner. This attitude plagues the mats and will diminish your training partners over time. And on a more personal note, you could put yourself into some dangerous situations that could easily be avoided, simply if you stay level-headed and humble.

People need a reality check sometimes and a healthy loss on the mats can do wonders for humbling the individual a bit. The effects may only be temporary if they don't fully understand the bigger picture, which is that you are all there to improve yourselves in some way, and the only way to do so is together. As much as jiu jitsu is a battle for the individual, you can't go too far without having partners to train with. Be respectful of your training partners and help them when they need it; you will find that they will reciprocate. Gauge your own success in comparison to yourself, not others. Everyone's path is different but we all need each together to make it to the destination. The ego is the enemy, and we all need to learn at some point to make it tap out.